People, aka our trusted memes, always say that forgiveness is for you and not for the other person and I always thought “yeah that makes total sense, let go, be at peace, all that good vibes shit”. But recently I have been really struggling to actually grasp this and live by it. I thought I understood what forgiveness was but I really didn’t.
I felt like forgiveness meant it would condone their behaviour, it would mean letting them off the hook for hurting me and make me look weak. It would mean I have a sign on my fucking head saying “HERE I AM PLEASE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME”. It would mean we all carry on like it never happened and everything is hunky-dory and they leave the situation thinking “phew glad we got outta that one” whilst leaving me waiting for round two, because hey, they got away with it last time why would I not let it slide again. And again.
Does this sound familiar?!
And then forgiving without an apology… man, that’s harder than winning the X Factor… using sign language 👌🏼✌🏼🖕🏼 (Hardest thing I could think of right now okay can we please get back on track).
But then I googled the definition of forgiveness thinking maybe I wasn’t understanding what it actually meant to forgive. I’m not religious but out of curiosity I even looked up the Bibles definition and here’s what I found;
“We forgive others when we let go of resentment and give up any claim to be compensated for the hurt or loss we have suffered.” “What if you are the victim of mistreatment by someone who refuses to apologize or even admit to what he has done? The Bible advises: “Let go of anger and abandon rage.” While not excusing the error, you can refuse to be consumed with anger.”
You don’t have to be in church every Sunday for this to make TOTAL sense and I found a lot of comfort in what it was saying. For some reason this clicked with me 💡
Every definition I found of forgiveness was about letting the situation go. Not about the individual, not about telling them, not about condoning their actions. So at 25 years old, I’ve just properly realised how much it really isn’t about them at all.
(I guess we never REALLY understand all those deep memes on social media until we actually go through it ourselves… like in real life… like with other human beings 🤯)
So forgiveness is not about telling the individual or giving them your forgiveness like a precious gift wrapped present at Christmas.
Let go of the expectation of an apology or “compensation”. The other person doesn’t even need to be involved in this or be aware that forgiveness is taking place. It’s all for you inside your wee noggin.
Maybe I’m late to the game here, or maybe I’m right on time, but shit, I’m glad I’m here now.
Message me if you’re going through something similar and want help with this! It’s a bit wank doing it alone to be honest, so let’s hear it fam x
LMAO who comes up with these ^^^ 😂